This is my express(ion)

4:43am: he laid emeralds in her eyes.

11:05pm: red fall
somehow.

i'll find salvation.

6:20pm: support
I have consumeddddd me.


anyways.

I have the most amazing family I could ask for.

I could never have asked for what they did, but they went way out of their way.

4:33pm: hardcore goodbye's
mad style
looming
anddddd

west coast road.

8:43am: 1
2
3
i'm on the fucking road!

5:27pm: a further explanation.
For the authors of the Hindu scriptures of the Upanishads, the syllable Aum, itself constituting a mantra, represents Brahman, the godhead, as well as the whole of creation. Merely pronouncing this syllable is to experience the divine in a very direct way.

11:35am: nightwalk
soooo
last night i went walking in the forest with xelha. i talked a lot, we talked a lot.

i got a lot of things figured out.

brandon, the universe, um, everything.

the moon was really really bright, it made the redwoods and ferns something else.

on the way back in a clearing we came across a man.

he was reciting the 'OM' mantra, just looking up at the stars.

we talked about the cosmos.

that were here in the universe to figure out our place in it.

he told us that everything is divine energy.

he told us that if you can understand anything, you can change anything into divine energy or love.

that we share the common genetic make up with trees, with the creepy crawlies, with everything we could come across in the night.

we talked about our place in the universe, theories. the universe a being a momentary synapse of of negative and positive energy. a nano second explosion, stretching into aeons for the matter which makes up the universe.

all that. he spoke it well.

'it's always nice to see another conscious figure out in the forest.'

2:22pm: finals week.
i feel so good about my philosophy 104 final that I think I should write a freaking book on the subject.

jesus christ.

I owned asian philosophy.

I just wish I could say the same about pre-calculus.

i'm not even going to my pre-calc final.

11:50am: alex, the worm king
last night was probably one of the funnest nights ever.

whiskey disguise night woo!! plus car bombs and really good cookies. at lilly's with the dnr crew, kate, paco, graham, chainsaw, and some other fools i'm sure.

except for when lilly crashed her bike down this really big hill, leaving a crap load of blood on the pavement and now word is she broke her jaw. and either cause she's a super trooper or really drunk she didn't say anything about pain, just sat there and said she was alright. but the people in the house next door said they heard it from inside, with the windows down. ouch.

then we finally found the party, i talked my way into a few free beers from the keg, caleb and liz where there, andeveryone and their mothers. liz actually ended up saying that she would make out with me if we went back to her house, and she's a 24 year old lesbo. that was so cool. that's a six year age difference, plus she usually doesn't play that team. we went our seperate ways that night, but that would've been so sweet just because. haha.

i lost my fucking chariot hat, and i'm becoming increasingly convinced that someone stole it. fuck christ shit.

ended up biking back with a pack of people to someone's house but i've been there a couple times before, we were all really drunk, and really kinda tired. james was really funny, i told him to throw some bike down this like 3 foot drop and he did because he was so frickin' wasted. i ended up sitting on kate's lap on the curb and then she fell asleep. we went inside and played the best card game ever, but it was really lackluster.

biked back to home with kate, but this is the first time in like 4 days she hasn't slept over, i did not see the goodbye we had coming though.

note to self, brandon feels better, although very despondent and apathetic to most conversation i try to have with him.

i'm supposed to go on a bike ride today?
idontknow
but i have a final tomorrow.

i'm really anxious about it. but i've been studying like mad, and it's all free format answers. and i know most the questions on the test.

6:37pm: last night was fun.
annnnnd, paco, kate, colin, p-nut are the coolest kids in school.

6:35pm: what in the world shall i do tonight?
i spent all day studying in the library.

i sold a bunch of my books, and all i got was 16.25 wooooo.

i think brandon is lightweight depressed right now.

but i'm sure it won't last longer than a day.

maybe just half a day.

we'll see.

i love music. everything stems from it right now.

5:53pm: from the outside i'll come runnin down...

tonight is mix tape club night.

craft night at liz's, i haven't seen her or caleb in a while.

dinner at the pink.

friday night, volunteering for the placebo, making food, carpooling.

camping this weekend?

my first final is on monday. I keep forgetting that the Bhagavad Gita is really interesting, and that i want to read it, because i'm going to be tested on everything about it, and i really don't like having to read so meticulously.

i really wanna take beginning scuba diving.

I went and filled out a skills list at the career center.
i need a job, damnit.

5:30pm: i remember when i had mad game
last night i walked and walked, with some dj shadow in the headset, a set of gnarly new pens in my pocket, a rag, and a stack of stickers.

it was cold, and in some places, at freezing temperatures.

my pens don't work on surfaces that are at below freezing temperatures too well.

i didn't notice the cold much. not really.

ended up at the pink, watched some of ghost world.

went walking again.



it's amazing how many people you'll find walking about at 2am on a monday night, this campus, as small as it is.

the night is much prettier.

i'm pretty antsy about some stuff right now.
just antsy.

3:30pm: doooo do do
i've been denied. all the best. ultra sex.

freaking MSI

super good.

I came up with a new name.

i'm going on a mad sticker campaign, and they look amazing.

i've been denied all the best, ultra sex

this song is way stuck in my head.

i'm doing some alcohol module for these damned reslife people, and it seems to be broken.

a bit of math
50 (bullshit reslife fine)
+
147 (speeding ticket)
+
20 (cost of traffic school)
=
$217.00

185.00 (my bank account balance) - 217.00 (what i need to pay off to not be in a crapload more debt or go to jail) = -32.00

i really need to get $32.00

let alone more money so i can continue to eat / do anything for the holidays



kate spent the night last night, we painted and drew for hours and listened to Rush, it was my first time since early summer.
here's how much of Rush nerd i am.
-they're 30 years old and i've seen them twice
-i have nearly their entire discography (about 10 cds)
-i have neal peart's (the drummer of Rush) book
-i have two t-shirts
-i know the origin of (nearly) every single one of their songs and all their influences
-the entire history of the band, in depth.
-i own the live dvd

then we watched star wars, the empire strikes back.

i woke her up at like 2am to play tic tac toe, and i beat her. i am the master of tic tac toe.

2:09am: sometimes you just don't know what the fuck to think anymore.

jesus christ.

copeland is crap.

4:10pm: I love dancing.

graf.

the chariot was pretty siq.

tearing it up.

i've spent most my time at home fixing my car. I was supposed to call a bunch of people, but it never happened. No time. screw this car, i'm freaking selling it.

1:40pm: Life has been getting just tuffer and tuffer.

Things get super fucked up, and then i get thrown a fucking curveball on top of that. whatever.
i think there's no point in getting mad or pissed or whatever until you're at the point where you can do something about it.

whatever.

i find ways to make it fucking great though.

I'm on a kind of road of dilemna involving the road this week.

the road is there, how am i gonna take it?

I love driving.

3:25am: It is so FUCKiNG cold.


but it is so beautiful.






i've seen so much i can't share with anybody, it divides me from those people who stay at home.

on the computer, on the phone.

ps. i don't have a phone anymore

10:22am: things to do, things to do.

somethings are kind of frustrating, even though i don't feel frustrated. still.

i think i'll just fold back into myself, and worry about things i sometimes don't put enough energy into. little projects on hiatus.

if only some people would get out more, and just be there, there's so much to discover, to explore.

i'm discovering more and more, about paint, people, music, circuit bending.

muchas cosas.

6:52pm: I went to the jetty down by Samoa with Jeff and Amanda from home. There were huge waves. It works like this, fetch; which is the term for the length of water over which a given wind has blown, together with wind speed and the position of the moon determines the size of waves. A wave is a ripple that spreads along the breadth of the coast, and extends down to the ocean floor. it really is a wave of energy, moving through matter, from water molecule to salt to little bits of gold, and biological matter, to water molecule, all the way to shallower water, where swells spike. the swells and ripples hit a bank of mud and sand and silt of the outlet of Humboldt Bay, the parallel surf breaks made up concrete and granite rocks which extend out into the ocean. out of which flows the matter that sits at the bottom of the bay, flows through these columns of rock. where it settles and makes a bank at the collision of ocean swells and waves into the outflowing and sometimes inflowing water of the bay. dependent upon the tide, and the amount of rainfall in Humboldt County. With enough fetch and windspeed, (supplied by an offshore weather system flowing east across the North Pacific) these swells full of potential energy are spiked by shallow water and the unique shape of the sand bank at the mouth of the Humboldt Bay jetty. It Makes one hell of a monster wave. And it was just one thing that there is so much to, a great design of
nature. which i think is grace itself.

these moments make life standing near a jetty with your feet in the sand a beautiful one indeed.

I saw some people doing tow-in surfing. it made miss surfing very much indeed.

4:39pm: so bright eyes. i was all up against the stage. so were my friends. here's some of the things that happened.

connor accidently kicked a guitar over onto nancy, he talked to her, was like i'm sorry, she was like you rock, and ladi da, and he was like thanks.
then connor wanted to like pull a mic from the other side of the stage over, and asked nina and jodi to like pull on the mic cord, it was sweet. he threw his fake fangs to the crowd {he was a vampire}, and my frind danielle caught them, and her boyfriend got the drummers hat. i made eye contact with just about every member of the band about 9 times or so. i cracked a joke, and they laughed. other people were obnoxious, i felt bad. i made this girl samita cry, but she was piss drunk and bugging the crap out of me, and being obnoxious, and asking sons and daughters for water from their water bottle cause she was thirsty, and talking on the phone really loud, and being drunk and lame.
justin and i went sober, it was great.
they played lets not shit ourselves as an encore, me justin, brandon, katie, and julianna b. all put eachothers arms around our shoulders, right up to the stage, and just swayed, and danced as much as we could in such a position, it was so great.
there was a wizard there. he was a gangster indeed.
i gave the guitarist from sons and daughters my handkercheif cause he was really sweaty. he wore it around his neck. yar.
pretty sweet.
went home, and i was quite droogish, it was sweet, then we watched american psycho, stayed up til 4am, and justin slept on our floor in my sleeping bag, cause he broke his key.
i have to go do homework, i think i wanna go and just get lost in it. get lost in asian philosophy, and maybe even math.
i have things to do. people to call.

brandon and i might delete our myspaces. i like that.

2:41pm: I want to make music about the ocean and it's romance.

I want to swim in it.

I want to take a picture and paint it down with the capturous oils blended into the spray the salt and the wind. o o the wind. I yearn for a storm sometimes.

Many times i wish i was born a sailor, a fisherman, a horse rider bandit cowboy pioneer man, with a lover and a horse and the wide world. and ruff it, and bundle against rain and the elements and wolves and bears and bees.
now i have pavement.

Sometimes I wish I was born a velociraptor and that I could play and eats eats reptilians and little mammals and just play and explore and and the big wide vegatative world.

and that's what i'd do.

1:20am: it's bed time.
i could write and write and write, and write.

and write write write, and write.

but i'm tired.

i've been thinking and saving things up.
i would love to fill everyone in on a million things if they care enough to want to hear it.

good night.

10:10am: Um yeah, it's late but hurr it is.
Leave a comment with your name and...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

9:26pm: mm yeah.

so i'm drugged the fuck out

so i sat in the health center for an hour.

i have a contusion on my left ribs.

it hurts to breathe, and i have a cough.

they gave me perscription motrin.

didn't do shit.

went to evan's had a glass of white wine, some crazy painkiller he had.

i felt nice for a while.

now i hurt.

um, i need a job super bad, um yeah. job job job. now now now.

like now.